Hi Everyone, How is everyone doing with everything going on? I’m sorry for the past couple of days (More like weeks) I haven’t been as active, during this difficult time I want to focus on writing and find happiness during these events. I wanted to go back, and finish up my journal entries to self-improve myself to reconnect with all of you ! So here is my third journal entry, I decided to write a person from my past. I wanted to do this journal prompt, because I noticed I have been very stuck on this person and its been hard for me to move on to continue my future relationships. If you want, I hope this encourages you as well to end a toxic chapter in life and begin to live your life in pure happiness !
Its been a couple of months, since I sent my final to you text message saying its better off we don’t talk anymore. But, a year of on/off talking between in each other but I wanted to write to you to express how you truly made me feel about myself. I have held back my true feelings about how you have treated me, to move on and forgive you but I couldn’t. I will admit during the time we were in each others lives, I had played a part as well and I don’t think it is fair to just blame you we were both toxic for each other. The months we had talked, my self esteem was very weak, I changed my beliefs and my appearance so you would want to date me and not “hook up” and I was loosing myself I wasn’t the Brooke everyone knew anymore. I don’t want to get into detail about the things you did to me but all I wanted to ask was, why ? Why me? After you, I looked at myself differently I lost my spark, I felt I wasn’t good enough for anyone, and I was looking for love in everyone because I couldn’t love myself. But, I don’t want to look at the negative between us, I just want to say thank you I know you are probably super confused. But, after all the times you pretended I didn’t exist after we made plans to hang out, messaging me after you and an ex break up, wanting to hang out at 12 am, and saying how much you missed me to the point I believed it and pretending that everything you have done to me in the past didn’t break my heart. You had made me stronger, J you made me realize that I deserve so much better. Why would I want to go back to a guy who didn’t care about me? We talk for a couple of weeks and I feel great then out of the blue you pretend I don’t exist. Last Summer, I was going through a lot and decided to distance myself from others to focus on things that I made me happy such as Photography and Writing. During this isolation, I made new friends and did things for myself. I found happiness for myself and I now I officially say I can love myself, but I had one person I was struggling to let go and it was you. The last straw for me was when, I tried to talk to you on Halloween but you didn’t want to speak to me and I knew a couple of weeks prior you had went on a trip with a girl you began dating and I had no idea during the time because we had hung out and I had plans to see you in the city. I knew I had to let go and it was one part of my life that didn’t make me happy, In a crazy way looking back at it we both weren’t happy we wanted two different things. We weren’t happy in each others lives, I wanted to make a positive step in my life and move on from all the negativity starting with cutting ties with you. So J, I just wanna say you’re the reason why I have became stronger and the hurt you gave to me made me want to walk away and focus on myself. So, after months of hating you, wish we never met, and wanted all these bad things happen to you I just wanna say, I forgive you. I want to move on and let go of this anger that I have been holding for the past couple of months.
Hi Everyone ! I know its been a couple of weeks since I last posted something but, I wanted to write and get back on my goals and dreams. Recently I have been lacking on writing my blog posts, its come to my attention its been a year of having this blog ! So for my one year I decided to do a writing prompt of my self discovery throughout this month and how I want to improve myself and see how far ive come.. Anyways Lets start !!
Day 1: Work Through Every Section of your Life and Asses what is Working Well, What isn’t, and Any changes you can make?
I looked at my Costar Today and it had said, “Is There Time for Everything you want to do Today?” I really got me thinking.. There is always things I wanna do in a day, things I want to accomplish, but sometimes life gets in the way and I wind up forgetting or loosing track of time to the point I don’t achieve the goals I wanted to do Today. So, I wanted to get on the right track and get my head focused. So I wanted to think about the things in my life what im doing right now, how I wanna change and become a better person.. what is working.. what isn’t working.
What isn’t Working Well : Currently, I noticed that I don’t really have a routine for my day I kind of just go with the flow and see how my day is and I’m now at the point where I want structure in my day. I want to plan out how my day is so I can get things done! Another one is im very attached to my phone, I can be on the phone for hours without even realizing it watching videos on Instagram to binge watching a Netflix episode out in public. I wanna take away some of the electronics I use in my everyday for an hour and get myself refocused and stay concentrated because I tend to loose interest easily and avoid tasks im suppose to do during the day and then I say “Oh I have time tomorrow!” Then, I’ll never do it.. and it will be a repeating cycle. So then that leads to the other thing in my life that isn’t working well Procrastination, which I do a lot and it annoys me its hard to have motivation it could be to making my bed in the morning to calling to make an appointment to the hair salon or something. I really want to change that because I believe it could make my life a little less complicated if I just do something without being worried or nervous, and just being plain lazy and doing it towards the last minute. The Last thing is, I noticed a pattern I have with relationships (Mostly Romantic) when the guy I am interested in starts to loose interest I tend to reach out mostly and I don’t wanna them to loose interest with me or not like me anymore. It’s been affecting me a lot because Ive noticed its become a pattern, I wanted to end that cycle and say to myself constantly “If they want to message you they will, you have people who love you and think you’re amazing if one person doesn’t want to be in your life that’s okay!” It’s sometimes hard for me, but I have to remind myself that daily and I feel better.
What Changes I Want To Make : The Changes I would like to make is, I want to be more connected to the world than being glued to my phone 24/7 which as I got older I noticed, and there is more to life than electronics. I want to take one day just one day out of my life without using my phone.. I actually slowly began doing that I got a coloring book and I feel super focused when I am coloring and it relaxes me a lot when I am stressed and overwhelmed. I want to meet more people who have the same interests towards writing and photography, this summer I met some really cool people who are interested towards photography and its really awesome when they understand what you’re talking about because I feel like when I nerd out talking about photography people look at me with two heads and I get super self-conscious so I talk about a funny story that happened to me in my past LOL. I also wanna go out more and explore nature the weather is slowly getting better and I love going to pirates cove and Avalon in the spring time ! Recently I wanted to get back into drawing im honestly like not the best but I do love being creative and meeting people who have the similar interest’s as me !! Those are the things I want to change in my life right now ! Also, be more focused with goals I want to set out to do to better my future self ! ❤ Thank you all for reading , hope you all enjoyed my daily journal prompt number one ! Check out Number Two Tomorrow !! Love to all ! Have a Beautiful Day !!
From the outside looking in, it seems fine but they don’t know shit about the everyday grind
Mac Miller “Life Aint Easy”
Hi Everyone ! Back at it ! Its crazy that we our almost about to enter 2020… I wanted to reflect on how ive grown and changed during this year ! I had taken these photos over the summer with sunflowers.. Sunflowers symbolize worship and faithfulness representing the sun, which associates with spiritual knowledge and the desire to seek light and truth !
When going through the photos I had taken over the course of the summer.. I wanted to discuss a topic about how we want people to view us, and what we want to hide from others. So the background of the story of these photos, I colored the sunflowers because as I said before it displays happiness and we want to show people that we are feeling happy kind of like on social media how we want everyone to see the good and we don’t want them to know we are struggling and life is going pretty great ! We hide the negativity in our life from others because we don’t want anyone to know they’re struggling with ourselves. Reflecting on me this past year, I represent the sunflower I was going through a depression around the time I finished up at college. I didn’t want other people to know outside of inner circle, so I decided to post a lot on Instagram showing that I was having fun and being happy ! But, I on the inside I was going through some personal things and I was struggling with finding my own happiness.. I was trying to find happiness through people or activities but I was finding “Temporary Happiness”. Throughout the years meeting people or doing things I thought I was “Happy” but how could I be happy when I wasn’t happy/loving myself. For the first time in my 22 years, I finally found how to love myself with writing and photography it had helped me express my true self and opened a window of new opportunities and meeting new people ! I didn’t feel I needed to hide behind a false appearance of myself anymore. I didn’t need to pretend I was happy for the first time in my life, I was actually happy and found my own happiness! What I wanted to get out of these photos I have taken is, we do sometimes hide behind our happiness or display we are happy but we don’t want anyone to know or fears or worries in the outside world. Thanks for reading part 2 of my photography stories !! Let me know what you guys think so far !
Hey Guys ! So today I was feeling sick, and decided to have a productive day and write ! So I wanted to talk about Body Image, Ive been struggling to be happy with my body on and off for a couple of years now.. and its not easy. Somedays I think “Oh my god I feel good and I look good ! It’s gonna be a great day !” and then other days (mostly before I get my period or if im having an off day) I’m like “Yeah I look like crap and feel fat im gonna wear all baggy clothes and not care” This Summer I have been confident in my body and feeling good about myself when I go out and everything ! But, mostly its been hard when I wear a bathing suit or bikini mostly. I went to buy a bikini at Aerie and I felt disgusting and fat, and legit started to cry and thought “Why am I so ugly” and take it off automatically and get in a bad mood. I think its also hard with social media, with photos and always judging yourself thinking you arent good enough or beautiful enough ! I felt more comfortable in a one piece to hide my stomach, I think when you go out or wear a bathingsuit if you feel comfortable and cute at the same time it doesnt matter ! Like now, when I wear a one piece I thought to myself damn I look good ! But, sometimes it can be hard when I look at myself in a photo mostly a photo of me in a bathing suit , I try to suck in my belly, Try to move in a different angle, and use the filters to make myself skinner. i decided to show a picture of me, with no filter or anything ! just my body and accept it for what it is ! Embrace the curves !! Be happy with what I got !! Accept what I have and work with it , this photo makes me realize I am beautiful and I dont need a filter to hide my cellulite on my thighs or make myself Skinner. Or make my ass look bigger , I like the way I look even though sometimes it is hard to pick on myself on the little things, but I am reminded by everyone how beautiful I am inside and out !! That is all that matters !!
Hi Everyone ! Its been a couple of days since I last wrote, sorry for going M.I.A. for a while I have been on and off with writing a new blog post because I haven’t felt really inspired the past couple of days or should I say weeks.. So I kind of went missing and taking some time to myself. But, the other day while I was getting ready to go out I always put a movie on to hear some background noise when I get ready and I decided to watch Lost in Translation with Scarlett Johansson and Bill Murray, I never really knew the background of the movie I just remembered when I was little my mom had the Dvd in the house and I saw the iconic photo of Bill Murray in a bathrope in a hotel room. But, I was only 6 when I saw it and I was super confused. But, the movie was about two people Bob who is a famous actor and Charlotte who is staying with her photographer husband feeling very lost in their lives and are currently staying in a hotel in Japan. They feel lost not having any connection with the people because of the language barrier. Watching the movie I connected with the main character Charlotte, she is around my age and she was dealing with depression feeling like she cant tell anyone about whats going on with her making herself isolated from everyone. She is not happy in her marriage and she feels lost with where she is going in life and wants to find the true meaning of happiness. I related to her a lot as someone who just finished up college in the winter and still feels lost on what I wanna do and started to overthink “its not gonna get better” “everything sucks right” after I finished up with college I started to get sad and not feel like myself, I felt lost and confused with what was going on around me and I felt so isolated from the world. I think this movie helps a lot with dealing with depression or how it feels going through it, It was crazy how much I related to the main character . The one line that stood out to me the most is when she is talking to the another main character Bob in the hotel room and asks, “Does it get better?” at first he says “no” and then “yes” I related to this a lot because I always asked myself in my head “Will I get better” “Will it become easier” but in reality, life is hard and difficult but you can get through it no matter what ! Its normal to feel sad but it will get better you just need good people who surround you and encourage you to be the best person you can be !
Did you ever become so angry at someone, to the point where it takes over your life ? Does all that pint up anger get the best of you, the negativity gets the best of you and affects you mentally and physically? Yeah, I would just want to let you know its okay ! If you catch yourself being so mad and angry its good ! You notice that you want to change ! Thats the first step, when you notice it and take a step back and realize “I need to change all this negativity for myself and for my family and friends because your anger and frustration doesn’t affect yourself but everyone around you ! Here our some tips to know when you should let go/move on from being so angry inside !
Remove yourself from toxic people/ situations – For myself, I noticed when im in a toxic situation or talking to someone I know I shouldn’t be talking to because I don’t feel happy/if its making me upset. I should remove myself from the issue. Yes, it takes a while to get over it but it slowly gets better everyday ! Focusing on yourself and what you need to make yourself happier, and if someone if not making you/ situation such as work or something like that you have the choice to remove that issue out of your life ! I think certain things that happen to use whenever it is good or bad, it happens because it makes us stronger and helps us realize what we have in life is pretty great !
2. Put your energy in a hobby- Take your energy into something good for example for myself, I love to write and when something negative happens to me I go to my writing ! It helps me express my feelings and get distracted by the little things that aren’t that big of a deal. I turn to writing because, it is something that I love to do since I was in high school. It made me realized how much happiness it brings in my life and it changed my whole outlook on life ! Writing about my experiences, trying to give advice for some people, and expressing m creativity ! You forget about all the anger when you concentrate on something that you love ! The anger begins to decrease and calms you down !
3. Make plans with friends and go out exploring – Its a good thing to get out of the house or plan to go out somewhere with yourself or your friends ! It makes you realize how much your friends really care about you and want the best for you ! I love my friends, whenever they know I am not feeling like myself they plan something to do and help me get my mind off of it and enjoy the moment and try to be happy !! Its a good way to get out of your mind and be appreciative with your family and friends they want the best for you !!
4. Take time for yourself- I was not having a good week two weeks ago, and I noticed I was being very angry and mad I started giving off bad vibes towards everyone ! I decided to take a break from people, I started to go back into yoga, turned on my laptop and began to write, and started to walk around the neighborhood in the morning (okay more like afternoon) to get myself back on track. When you take a step back and to improve yourself you become more confident and more focused on your goals !!
5. It takes time, so work hard and be focused- The anger will not be gone by tomorrow, it takes time and hard work ! The main focus in life is yourself, YOU matter than anyone else ! When you have an amazing support system who surrounds you they will help you get through this and you will find happiness again !! Take the time to be by yourself, surround yourself with positivity, and be grateful ! You’ll get through this don’t worry everything will happen for a reason ! Be grateful, be in the moment !!
Hey !! Can we talk about this cute little drink in the photo right now… And my best friend, Ashley ❤ So today, I decided to go out with my friend Ashley in the morning to Crazy Beans this cute little coffee shop near my house that I go almost everyday too and the employees know my order by heart (Jk no they dont but if they did I would be super happy and excited) We decided to meet up and get some coffee ! (as you can tell by the cute drink above) Super Good if you are ever in the long island area please go to Crazy Beans ! They have 3 locations on the Island. ANYWHO ! So Ashley and I went at 9:30 am because why not !! No one is gonna be there that early (Also it gets super jammed pack so yeah) so we got a seat near the back ! Got some amazing canolli stuffed french toast so basically sandwiches and inside is canolli so good I love it, I would eat it everyday but it wouldn’t be possible. Cause calories and a lot of sugar I wouldn’t be able to function in my everyday life ! I love going to coffee shops with friends, because you can get a moment out of your day to enjoy some coffee and catch up with people and talk about life and all the good things or if you wanna vent (I vent like 24/7 shout out to my friends who hear my continuing rants for the past how many years of friendship yall are the real ones !)
Can we talk about this amazing food we had the canolli french toast I was taking about and the cinnamon french toast Ashley got !! I love coffee shops because of the whole atmosphere and the positive people who are in it, and everyone is so nice ! Also, its a good escape and connect with people on a personal level and catching up !! The reason why I love going to coffee shops (mostly because I have a very bad caffeine addiction) totally love all the positive vibes ! and It makes you feel all happy inside !! IT was a fun trip to the coffee shop today with my best friend !!