What we want to others to see vs.. How we see ourselves

From the outside looking in, it seems fine but they don’t know shit about the everyday grind

Mac Miller “Life Aint Easy”

Hi Everyone ! Back at it ! Its crazy that we our almost about to enter 2020… I wanted to reflect on how ive grown and changed during this year ! I had taken these photos over the summer with sunflowers.. Sunflowers symbolize worship and faithfulness representing the sun, which associates with spiritual knowledge and the desire to seek light and truth !

When going through the photos I had taken over the course of the summer.. I wanted to discuss a topic about how we want people to view us, and what we want to hide from others. So the background of the story of these photos, I colored the sunflowers because as I said before it displays happiness and we want to show people that we are feeling happy kind of like on social media how we want everyone to see the good and we don’t want them to know we are struggling and life is going pretty great ! We hide the negativity in our life from others because we don’t want anyone to know they’re struggling with ourselves. Reflecting on me this past year, I represent the sunflower I was going through a depression around the time I finished up at college. I didn’t want other people to know outside of inner circle, so I decided to post a lot on Instagram showing that I was having fun and being happy ! But, I on the inside I was going through some personal things and I was struggling with finding my own happiness.. I was trying to find happiness through people or activities but I was finding “Temporary Happiness”. Throughout the years meeting people or doing things I thought I was “Happy” but how could I be happy when I wasn’t happy/loving myself. For the first time in my 22 years, I finally found how to love myself with writing and photography it had helped me express my true self and opened a window of new opportunities and meeting new people ! I didn’t feel I needed to hide behind a false appearance of myself anymore. I didn’t need to pretend I was happy for the first time in my life, I was actually happy and found my own happiness! What I wanted to get out of these photos I have taken is, we do sometimes hide behind our happiness or display we are happy but we don’t want anyone to know or fears or worries in the outside world. Thanks for reading part 2 of my photography stories !! Let me know what you guys think so far !

Brooke(:

Trying to have the “Perfect Beach Body”

Hey Guys ! So today I was feeling sick, and decided to have a productive day and write ! So I wanted to talk about Body Image, Ive been struggling to be happy with my body on and off for a couple of years now.. and its not easy. Somedays I think “Oh my god I feel good and I look good ! It’s gonna be a great day !” and then other days (mostly before I get my period or if im having an off day) I’m like “Yeah I look like crap and feel fat im gonna wear all baggy clothes and not care” This Summer I have been confident in my body and feeling good about myself when I go out and everything ! But, mostly its been hard when I wear a bathing suit or bikini mostly. I went to buy a bikini at Aerie and I felt disgusting and fat, and legit started to cry and thought “Why am I so ugly” and take it off automatically and get in a bad mood. I think its also hard with social media, with photos and always judging yourself thinking you arent good enough or beautiful enough ! I felt more comfortable in a one piece to hide my stomach, I think when you go out or wear a bathingsuit if you feel comfortable and cute at the same time it doesnt matter ! Like now, when I wear a one piece I thought to myself damn I look good ! But, sometimes it can be hard when I look at myself in a photo mostly a photo of me in a bathing suit , I try to suck in my belly, Try to move in a different angle, and use the filters to make myself skinner. i decided to show a picture of me, with no filter or anything ! just my body and accept it for what it is ! Embrace the curves !! Be happy with what I got !! Accept what I have and work with it , this photo makes me realize I am beautiful and I dont need a filter to hide my cellulite on my thighs or make myself Skinner. Or make my ass look bigger , I like the way I look even though sometimes it is hard to pick on myself on the little things, but I am reminded by everyone how beautiful I am inside and out !! That is all that matters !!

Ever watch a movie you can relate too so much ?

Hi Everyone ! Its been a couple of days since I last wrote, sorry for going M.I.A. for a while I have been on and off with writing a new blog post because I haven’t felt really inspired the past couple of days or should I say weeks.. So I kind of went missing and taking some time to myself. But, the other day while I was getting ready to go out I always put a movie on to hear some background noise when I get ready and I decided to watch Lost in Translation with Scarlett Johansson and Bill Murray, I never really knew the background of the movie I just remembered when I was little my mom had the Dvd in the house and I saw the iconic photo of Bill Murray in a bathrope in a hotel room. But, I was only 6 when I saw it and I was super confused. But, the movie was about two people Bob who is a famous actor and Charlotte who is staying with her photographer husband feeling very lost in their lives and are currently staying in a hotel in Japan. They feel lost not having any connection with the people because of the language barrier. Watching the movie I connected with the main character Charlotte, she is around my age and she was dealing with depression feeling like she cant tell anyone about whats going on with her making herself isolated from everyone. She is not happy in her marriage and she feels lost with where she is going in life and wants to find the true meaning of happiness. I related to her a lot as someone who just finished up college in the winter and still feels lost on what I wanna do and started to overthink “its not gonna get better” “everything sucks right” after I finished up with college I started to get sad and not feel like myself, I felt lost and confused with what was going on around me and I felt so isolated from the world. I think this movie helps a lot with dealing with depression or how it feels going through it, It was crazy how much I related to the main character . The one line that stood out to me the most is when she is talking to the another main character Bob in the hotel room and asks, “Does it get better?” at first he says “no” and then “yes” I related to this a lot because I always asked myself in my head “Will I get better” “Will it become easier” but in reality, life is hard and difficult but you can get through it no matter what ! Its normal to feel sad but it will get better you just need good people who surround you and encourage you to be the best person you can be !

When is it time to let go of the Anger?

Did you ever become so angry at someone, to the point where it takes over your life ? Does all that pint up anger get the best of you, the negativity gets the best of you and affects you mentally and physically? Yeah, I would just want to let you know its okay ! If you catch yourself being so mad and angry its good ! You notice that you want to change ! Thats the first step, when you notice it and take a step back and realize “I need to change all this negativity for myself and for my family and friends because your anger and frustration doesn’t affect yourself but everyone around you ! Here our some tips to know when you should let go/move on from being so angry inside !

  1. Remove yourself from toxic people/ situations – For myself, I noticed when im in a toxic situation or talking to someone I know I shouldn’t be talking to because I don’t feel happy/if its making me upset. I should remove myself from the issue. Yes, it takes a while to get over it but it slowly gets better everyday ! Focusing on yourself and what you need to make yourself happier, and if someone if not making you/ situation such as work or something like that you have the choice to remove that issue out of your life ! I think certain things that happen to use whenever it is good or bad, it happens because it makes us stronger and helps us realize what we have in life is pretty great !

2. Put your energy in a hobby- Take your energy into something good for example for myself, I love to write and when something negative happens to me I go to my writing ! It helps me express my feelings and get distracted by the little things that aren’t that big of a deal. I turn to writing because, it is something that I love to do since I was in high school. It made me realized how much happiness it brings in my life and it changed my whole outlook on life ! Writing about my experiences, trying to give advice for some people, and expressing m creativity ! You forget about all the anger when you concentrate on something that you love ! The anger begins to decrease and calms you down !

3. Make plans with friends and go out exploring – Its a good thing to get out of the house or plan to go out somewhere with yourself or your friends ! It makes you realize how much your friends really care about you and want the best for you ! I love my friends, whenever they know I am not feeling like myself they plan something to do and help me get my mind off of it and enjoy the moment and try to be happy !! Its a good way to get out of your mind and be appreciative with your family and friends they want the best for you !!

4. Take time for yourself- I was not having a good week two weeks ago, and I noticed I was being very angry and mad I started giving off bad vibes towards everyone ! I decided to take a break from people, I started to go back into yoga, turned on my laptop and began to write, and started to walk around the neighborhood in the morning (okay more like afternoon) to get myself back on track. When you take a step back and to improve yourself you become more confident and more focused on your goals !!

5. It takes time, so work hard and be focused- The anger will not be gone by tomorrow, it takes time and hard work ! The main focus in life is yourself, YOU matter than anyone else ! When you have an amazing support system who surrounds you they will help you get through this and you will find happiness again !! Take the time to be by yourself, surround yourself with positivity, and be grateful ! You’ll get through this don’t worry everything will happen for a reason ! Be grateful, be in the moment !!

Brooke(:

Those Coffee Shop Days <3

Hey !! Can we talk about this cute little drink in the photo right now… And my best friend, Ashley ❤ So today, I decided to go out with my friend Ashley in the morning to Crazy Beans this cute little coffee shop near my house that I go almost everyday too and the employees know my order by heart (Jk no they dont but if they did I would be super happy and excited) We decided to meet up and get some coffee ! (as you can tell by the cute drink above) Super Good if you are ever in the long island area please go to Crazy Beans ! They have 3 locations on the Island. ANYWHO ! So Ashley and I went at 9:30 am because why not !! No one is gonna be there that early (Also it gets super jammed pack so yeah) so we got a seat near the back ! Got some amazing canolli stuffed french toast so basically sandwiches and inside is canolli so good I love it, I would eat it everyday but it wouldn’t be possible. Cause calories and a lot of sugar I wouldn’t be able to function in my everyday life ! I love going to coffee shops with friends, because you can get a moment out of your day to enjoy some coffee and catch up with people and talk about life and all the good things or if you wanna vent (I vent like 24/7 shout out to my friends who hear my continuing rants for the past how many years of friendship yall are the real ones !)

Can we talk about this amazing food we had the canolli french toast I was taking about and the cinnamon french toast Ashley got !! I love coffee shops because of the whole atmosphere and the positive people who are in it, and everyone is so nice ! Also, its a good escape and connect with people on a personal level and catching up !! The reason why I love going to coffee shops (mostly because I have a very bad caffeine addiction) totally love all the positive vibes ! and It makes you feel all happy inside !! IT was a fun trip to the coffee shop today with my best friend !!

Brooke(:

Focusing on my Goals and Happiness this Summer !

Hey Everyone ! How is everyone’s day going ? I’m always bad at starting these blogs because I have no idea what to say first so I usually write the first thing that comes to mind and go along with it haha ! Also, wanna mention I made a new logo for the blog ! (I mean shes cute, shes a winner) Currently making changes to make it pop more !! If you guys have any ideas for me let me know ! I wanna give it more of that wow factor ! Sorry off topic ! 🙂 Anyways, I wanna talk about Summer how we get all excited because the weather is finally warm , we can do so many more activities, and creating more memories ! This Summer, I was so excited to go out more and do things I haven’t experienced (legit made a summer bucket list because I am basically 5 years old) I always wanna have fun during the summer time and live everyday like its my last ! Then, i started to get distracted by certain situations and people. I was putting my time and energy on people and situations that I shouldn’t have dwelled on to begin with, but in the moment I had caught myself and realized “Why am I doing this to myself?” So I took a step back and reanalyzed everything that had happened for the past month and got myself together. I decided to take a week or two by myself and try to focus on me, Mental Health is very important if you have to take a break and just focus on yourself there is nothing wrong with that ! I’m really thankful for my friends and family who were super understanding with my decision ! Being by myself I realized who much the people in my inner circle really care about me and want me to the best person that I am , it made me forget about the other things that were going on and made me more confident to better myself ! I think when we feel lost or you get distracted by everyday events we should stop everything and remember what makes us happy ? who in my life really cares about me ? and how will I move on from this will I become stronger or will this make me weaker. I think negative situations that happen in our life, make us stronger and realize we can move on and be grateful how we overcame the situation. This is why im just focusing on myself this summer trying to become a better person ! Using my creativity, following through my goals, and working hard ! Working on yourself can give you positive feedback and feeling good about yourself internally. When you feel good about yourself it reflects in who you are as a person and the people you attract in your life !!

Brooke(:

How to deal with Panic Attacks during Concerts/Music Festivals

Hello ! So Today I wanted to write about my experience at GovBall in June but I wanted to bring up a serious topic that not really people discuss and I using this platform I wanted to bring it up and discuss me going through it personally ! So I bought Govball tickets in January (it was a graduation gift from finishing up college) and I was super pumped (New York Coachella) I was basically attending I never really went to a big concert like this I only attended a few mini concerts the biggest concert ive attended was probably Warped Tour last year ! So I really didn’t know what to expect, So it was the day of the concert and my sister and I were so exicted we left around 4 ish to get to the concert because the people we wanted to see such as, Brockhampton, Lil Wayne, and Tyler the Creator were performing ! So we went to the main stage after a long walk to Randall Park, Brockhampton was about to perform and we were dead in the front.. and I noticed I started to become panicky.. and I had no idea why, Ive been to so many concerts and in the front and never had this type of reaction so I started to become nervous and freaked out a little bit. But, I didn’t wanna ruin this moment and tried to stay calm with deep breathing and remebering “I am fine” “I am not gonna get hurt” “Its okay” just repeating those words in my head I slowly began to calm down. The show begins to start and the crowd is crazy it was to the point I was almost on the floor, so my sister and I left and walked towards the edge because I needed more space to breathe. Honestly if you ever experience that at all, just try to go near a space where it is less crowded no one is judging you or anything its okay ! if you need space thats fine ! After Brockhampton we went to see Lil Wayne and Tyler the Creator, we were near the back but we could still see the acts and I wasn’t crowded by so many people so I felt more okay and relaxed. It winded up being a really fun night ! The next day, it was Saturday ! that was a crazy day because we were at the concert longer than the day before and knowing myself I get tired after 5 hours being somewhere and I wanna go home LOL so yeah ! My sister and I, were waiting in the front waiting for the 1975 and out of nowhere i started to have a major panic attack to the point I couldn’t breathe and it was very scary because I haven’t experienced a full on panic attack like that since maybe 2 months ago, and I didn’t know what to do and I just wasn’t myself. Everyone in the crowd was very supportive and super nice trying to calm me down ! Thankfully, I got through it and finally calmed down and it was embarrassing I went through that with everyone watching me but everyone was super nice and just wanted to help me out ! What I wanna get out writing about this is, its okay to have a panic attack during a concert or music festival ! If you feel a little nervous tell someone or your friend youre with to let them know “Hey I feel a little off, I’m gonna stay in the back” and regroup at the end of the show ! Just always remember your safety and well-being comes first if you don’t agree with how your body is feeling its okay ! take your self out of that situation try to stand with less people and take a few calming breathes. Just remember what youre attending the concert for.. To have fun ! Enjoy the moment ! Don’t let it ruin your time ! Thanks for reading my little rant and hoped this helped anyone who read this !!

Brooke(: