Hi Everyone ! Its been a couple of days since I last wrote, sorry for going M.I.A. for a while I have been on and off with writing a new blog post because I haven’t felt really inspired the past couple of days or should I say weeks.. So I kind of went missing and taking some time to myself. But, the other day while I was getting ready to go out I always put a movie on to hear some background noise when I get ready and I decided to watch Lost in Translation with Scarlett Johansson and Bill Murray, I never really knew the background of the movie I just remembered when I was little my mom had the Dvd in the house and I saw the iconic photo of Bill Murray in a bathrope in a hotel room. But, I was only 6 when I saw it and I was super confused. But, the movie was about two people Bob who is a famous actor and Charlotte who is staying with her photographer husband feeling very lost in their lives and are currently staying in a hotel in Japan. They feel lost not having any connection with the people because of the language barrier. Watching the movie I connected with the main character Charlotte, she is around my age and she was dealing with depression feeling like she cant tell anyone about whats going on with her making herself isolated from everyone. She is not happy in her marriage and she feels lost with where she is going in life and wants to find the true meaning of happiness. I related to her a lot as someone who just finished up college in the winter and still feels lost on what I wanna do and started to overthink “its not gonna get better” “everything sucks right” after I finished up with college I started to get sad and not feel like myself, I felt lost and confused with what was going on around me and I felt so isolated from the world. I think this movie helps a lot with dealing with depression or how it feels going through it, It was crazy how much I related to the main character . The one line that stood out to me the most is when she is talking to the another main character Bob in the hotel room and asks, “Does it get better?” at first he says “no” and then “yes” I related to this a lot because I always asked myself in my head “Will I get better” “Will it become easier” but in reality, life is hard and difficult but you can get through it no matter what ! Its normal to feel sad but it will get better you just need good people who surround you and encourage you to be the best person you can be !
So last week, I decided to get out of the island for a bit and explore somewhere. (Shocking) I heard they just opened a new mall in the Hudson Yards, my mind at 4 am decided “Hey lets go, I wanna check it out!” The best thoughts and ideas happen at 4 am, don’t deny it at all. So I woke up around 9 am and asked my dad to come along with me, (needed someone to take some good Instagram shots of me) and he enjoys city trips! So we took the drive out there and was gazing upon the tall buildings, and was memorized. Finally, after finding parking (which took forever) we walked around and we finally got to the Hudson Yards Mall. We wanted to check it out, because it had just opened about maybe a month ago so we had decided to experience the new Mall.
Here’s the picture inside the Hudson Yards Mall, it had 5 stories and it was super huge. (obviously because there were 5 levels) It was super unique, there was a tiny art museum in the mall I wanted to check out, because I saw a beautiful painting of Audrey Hepburn (My Idol) but sadly it was going to open at 3 pm and we were there at 11 am (struggles but I got to look at it and admire from afar) When walking around we wanted to check out The Vessel, it was super helpful people were helping us find it because, me and my dad circled around the mall to find it (I am super clueless when it comes to directions) So we went outside and saw The Vessel it was amazing, seeing it in real-life was breathtaking.
Stepping outside seeing The Vessel, It was super unique I never saw a building like that and its interesting now a days seeing how people are designing buildings in the city. While on my way to the Hudson Yards I was super upset I didn’t get to take a photo of the building. I like the idea of how they are changing the buildings up and making them more unique and modern. When I saw The Vessel, my dad and I decided to wait on line to go up but I am afraid of heights. (Ask anyone I have a panic attack) but I thought hey! let me go and do it! Experience something new and what not, As we reached our turn we realized we had to pay for our tickets before getting on the line. The line at that point was crazy long so we had to take the long walk of shame. So, in my head like every girl wanting to look cool I asked my dad “Can you take a photo of me behind The Vessel!” So he had taken a photo and it came out sick (Perks of your dad being a videographer he takes rad photographs)
Also, I thought It was really amazing the art that was shown around the mall. I saw some of the artwork but this really stood out to me the most, “We Believe The Future Is Ours” meaning that we decide what our future wants to be and the world is behind us, reaching our goals. When walking around the mall I saw a lot of cool quotes (I wanted to look at all of them and take photos of them) But, in conclusion is was a dope mall, (ew can’t believe I just said “Dope”) next time in the city you should totally check it out!! It was a hip mall, and out of the gate trips are the best I was so glad to escape into the experience and enjoy my time in the city!
Today I woke up in a funk, I didn’t want to do anything and just stay in bed for the rest of the day. It was weird, last week I felt so good and feeling positive and out of the blue my negative thoughts had resurfaced back.. I didn’t want it to affect my day. Finally, getting out of my bed I decided to make myself a cup of coffee and put some comfy clothes on the best thing to do is get out of your pajamas. Try putting on some comfy jeans and a cute cardigan, which I did my mom had encouraged me to come out to look at some cute spring clothes and the local Marshall’s. Getting distracted by doing something such as going shopping and looking for cute clothes focuses your attention on something else, by looking at the clothes you get excited by, thinking about where you would wear it, how it would look on you, and how you would feel confident wearing the outfit. After shopping I went to eat some lunch, enjoyed a hamburger with french fries with my mom. It’s good to get out when you are eating you are surrounded by other people and can have meaningful conversations with the people you are with and enjoy each other company. After, we came back home I went back upstairs and listened to my music I realized I shouldn’t be in my room doing nothing and got up and went on a walk. I put my shoes on and blasted Panic at the Disco! on my phone and began to walk, I focused on the music playing and looked what was right in front of me. Walking sometimes helps you get out of your mind and gets you to think what you have in the moment. If you are angry or something, kick a rock and continue to walk I look at it like this when you are walking look at it like a path. There are going to be stumbles along the way but we still have to walk along the way to our beautiful destination. What I am trying to say in this post is, we go through our ups and downs and it is our decision on how to overcome the problem that is right in front of us. Its okay to go through bad times, it makes us stronger as individuals and we will see the light at the end of the road. Just remember to keep your head up and accept the sad days, you will get better !
This is the first Christmas were I decided not to get all dolled up, I felt so insecure about my body. I couldn’t even wear I dress without feeling disgusting in it, looking at my stomach, thighs, and my arms. Looking at this photo right now you all are probably thinking, “Brooke what are you talking about, you aren’t even fat”. But, it was much deeper than that I was not happy with myself and it started to reflect on my physical appearance. Sometimes when you get down on yourself, it begins to reflect on yourself and your interactions with others. One of the reasons of me being so down on myself was, I hated my body. I let myself go, it was to the point I would eat all the time for comfort and didn’t even care what I had put inside my body. It was to the point I would have to wear big sweatshirts and sweatpants to feel comfortable in my own skin. It was to the point I had to wear spankx under neath my clothes when I would go out.
In this photo you can see myself wearing the sphanx, every time I would go out with my friends I would compare myself to all the other girls at the bar. That was one of the worst things I did, compare myself to other people based on physical appearance. Now a days with social media such as, Instagram it’s very hard for people to compare themselves to others in their selfies, trips, and showing off their body. I tried to loose weight but not in a good way, I tried to eat only one meal a day, stayed in bed all day didn’t so I wouldn’t eat, and wouldn’t even attempt to work out. I wanted to change and wanted to be happy but I had no idea how to start, one day i realized I had to get out of this funk I was so adapted to and start doing something. Little baby steps can make a big impact on your life, you have to leave the comfort zone to grow as a person. If you stay in your comfort zone for the rest of your life how are you suppose to grow as a individual? Taking these steps will help you go on the right path and work towards your goals to find true happiness.
This is me now, I started to eat more healthier and I began to join a yoga studio near my house and I feel good emotionally and mentally. I didn’t care about loosing weight like I was in the past, all that matter is that I was happy and I take some time out of my day to work out and relax my mind. In the photo, this was my first time wearing a crop top in 8 months and a skirt. I felt super confident, and did not care what anyone else looked like and carried out my own positive light the whole night I was with my friends and just focused on the good. I’m now in a comfortable position to say “I Love my Body” I realized if you put the time and effort into yourself the outcome will be successful. What i’m trying to say is we are all beautiful and our bodies come in all different shape and sizes. We have the power to change how we feel by taking actions and working hard for our goals. Right now, I am in a good place physically and mentally focusing on the good while doing things that make me happy and I feel great eternally and it reflects in my spirit and the way I carry myself.