Now Im Stronger.. Than Yesterday ! <3 How I overcome my struggles in 2019 !

“Cause there is beauty in the breakdown” – Frou Frou “Let Go”

Hi Everyone ! I can’t believe that in two more days ! We are going into a new decade !! Its crazy ! The fact that the year is coming to a end, I wanted to recap my year in 2019 ! I wanted to show photos to show my progress of how I evolved as a person ! ❤ I wanted to use the first photo from my 22nd birthday, during that time it was the beginning of 2019.. in that photo you see a girl smiling next to her favorite birthday cake.. but inside I was going through a very bad depression to the point I had lost myself, I wasn’t Brooke anymore. But, I did not want anyone to know my struggles only few people in my inner circle and family knew I was struggling a lot.. but I was putting on a happy face while I was on social media, pretending my life was great and I was so happy.. it honestly was a cry for help. The next photo is a selfie in my room, (Very basic I know) I believe this was in the middle of the year in March, seeing the selfie now I think okay that is a nice photo of myself ! While, that photo was taken I thought I looked disgusting and began to edit my face to the point where it was pretty obvious it was photo shopped. All I did was take photos in my room, and posting them on Instagram because I was not feeling good about myself and I wanted reassurance that I was beautiful and feeling accepted. I didn’t feel it towards myself so I was seeking approval from others. Everyone knew, they would start pointing out I was taking too many selfies and began to tell me to stop and I had gotten angry pretending I didn’t have a problem and I was fine. In the 3rd photo, maybe in April this photo was taken my friend and I went to pirates cove and decided to walk around, this is when I realized my depression was affecting everyone around me, and I needed help ! I decided to go to therapy to talk to someone and vent about my issues going on with myself. Also, this is when spring was beginning so I felt better because in the winter time I do suffer from seasonal depression.. and it is very hard for me to be motivated . So when Spring was arriving I felt better, and more encouraged to get out of bed and live my life ! I started to get back into yoga ! Which made me feel more confident with working out and it helped a lot of with my endorphins making me feel more positive and happy ! In the summer which was in the 4th photo, I started to get into photography ! It was a great outlet to express myself ! It helped me gain back confidence in myself ! Taking photos to show the beauty in the world ! Photography had made me meet so many new people and gained my confidence back and reconnected with people from my past ! In the 5th photo I started to blog which helped me express how I was feeling ! I have problems with talking about how I feel to others, when I get upset or mad I don’t express how I am feeling which isn’t fair to everyone because mostly they have no idea what is going on or are confused. It was a great outlet to talk about how I really feel !! Sometimes when I had a bad day I would just write and vent about what was going on with myself. In the 6th photo, I went to a sunflower field (Oh really Brooke ? I had no idea !!) This was near the end of Summer, I was feeling better ! I started to help my dad with shoots at his company and felt really good ! But, I was talking to someone from my past that I shouldn’t have, I was dependent on him to make me happy which you should never do ! You should always feel happy with yourself ! Never be dependent on someone to make you feel worthy. I really liked this guy a lot, even though in the past the relationship (we never dated but we had a fling) was rocky and we wanted two different things out of our relationship. I remember messaging him and trying to get his attention, meanwhile he was talking to other girls and it made me feel miserable about myself thinking “Why aren’t I good enough?” It affected my self esteem and how I viewed myself. During that time, I realized I still wasn’t feeling 100% about myself. I thought I had gotten better but talking to this guy and realizing that I was upset that he talked to other girls or didn’t like my photos on Instagram affected me so much. I noticed I was getting depressed again because of a fucking guy and I thought “Why am I getting so upset over him?” I didn’t wanna go back into depression because of this stupid guy who didn’t even really care about me so I texted him one day and said we shouldn’t talk anymore and it would be good for the both of us ! Honestly, sending that text message to him felt so good ! I was done with the constant talking to me and then leaving me alone ! I deserve so much better ! I wanted to have people in my life who give an effort to talk to me and get to know me ! Not me, talking to them on their time and waiting around for them ! In the 6th photo, I decided to go into the city by myself (For the first time) I hanged out with my friend, Jason. Who ive been close with ever since highschool ! We walked around and hanging out for a while ! He was taking photos of me (my personal photographer of the day) I love how he took photos of myself in my prime just enjoying the moment and being happy !!! (: Its great reconnecting with old people from your past as i said before you left off where you guys were before ! Also, seeing Jason how happy he was and how much he had achieved since highschool made me so happy for him and I was so proud and still am being his friend !! In the 7th photo, I finally got a camera (Canon t2i) old school but I still love it ! I went around and began to take so many photos I was so in my element, I even began to take courses to learn more about the camera and wanting to learn better every single day !! The final photo of me was during thanksgiving ! my cousin had taken this photo of me, I overcame depression and anxiety and actually feel happy with myself ! I overcome obstacles and living a better life ! During the hard times, it does get better ! Surround yourself with positive people and be happy with everyone ! Im so grateful with everyone in my life !! (:

What we want to others to see vs.. How we see ourselves

From the outside looking in, it seems fine but they don’t know shit about the everyday grind

Mac Miller “Life Aint Easy”

Hi Everyone ! Back at it ! Its crazy that we our almost about to enter 2020… I wanted to reflect on how ive grown and changed during this year ! I had taken these photos over the summer with sunflowers.. Sunflowers symbolize worship and faithfulness representing the sun, which associates with spiritual knowledge and the desire to seek light and truth !

When going through the photos I had taken over the course of the summer.. I wanted to discuss a topic about how we want people to view us, and what we want to hide from others. So the background of the story of these photos, I colored the sunflowers because as I said before it displays happiness and we want to show people that we are feeling happy kind of like on social media how we want everyone to see the good and we don’t want them to know we are struggling and life is going pretty great ! We hide the negativity in our life from others because we don’t want anyone to know they’re struggling with ourselves. Reflecting on me this past year, I represent the sunflower I was going through a depression around the time I finished up at college. I didn’t want other people to know outside of inner circle, so I decided to post a lot on Instagram showing that I was having fun and being happy ! But, I on the inside I was going through some personal things and I was struggling with finding my own happiness.. I was trying to find happiness through people or activities but I was finding “Temporary Happiness”. Throughout the years meeting people or doing things I thought I was “Happy” but how could I be happy when I wasn’t happy/loving myself. For the first time in my 22 years, I finally found how to love myself with writing and photography it had helped me express my true self and opened a window of new opportunities and meeting new people ! I didn’t feel I needed to hide behind a false appearance of myself anymore. I didn’t need to pretend I was happy for the first time in my life, I was actually happy and found my own happiness! What I wanted to get out of these photos I have taken is, we do sometimes hide behind our happiness or display we are happy but we don’t want anyone to know or fears or worries in the outside world. Thanks for reading part 2 of my photography stories !! Let me know what you guys think so far !

Brooke(:

When is it time to let go of the Anger?

Did you ever become so angry at someone, to the point where it takes over your life ? Does all that pint up anger get the best of you, the negativity gets the best of you and affects you mentally and physically? Yeah, I would just want to let you know its okay ! If you catch yourself being so mad and angry its good ! You notice that you want to change ! Thats the first step, when you notice it and take a step back and realize “I need to change all this negativity for myself and for my family and friends because your anger and frustration doesn’t affect yourself but everyone around you ! Here our some tips to know when you should let go/move on from being so angry inside !

  1. Remove yourself from toxic people/ situations – For myself, I noticed when im in a toxic situation or talking to someone I know I shouldn’t be talking to because I don’t feel happy/if its making me upset. I should remove myself from the issue. Yes, it takes a while to get over it but it slowly gets better everyday ! Focusing on yourself and what you need to make yourself happier, and if someone if not making you/ situation such as work or something like that you have the choice to remove that issue out of your life ! I think certain things that happen to use whenever it is good or bad, it happens because it makes us stronger and helps us realize what we have in life is pretty great !

2. Put your energy in a hobby- Take your energy into something good for example for myself, I love to write and when something negative happens to me I go to my writing ! It helps me express my feelings and get distracted by the little things that aren’t that big of a deal. I turn to writing because, it is something that I love to do since I was in high school. It made me realized how much happiness it brings in my life and it changed my whole outlook on life ! Writing about my experiences, trying to give advice for some people, and expressing m creativity ! You forget about all the anger when you concentrate on something that you love ! The anger begins to decrease and calms you down !

3. Make plans with friends and go out exploring – Its a good thing to get out of the house or plan to go out somewhere with yourself or your friends ! It makes you realize how much your friends really care about you and want the best for you ! I love my friends, whenever they know I am not feeling like myself they plan something to do and help me get my mind off of it and enjoy the moment and try to be happy !! Its a good way to get out of your mind and be appreciative with your family and friends they want the best for you !!

4. Take time for yourself- I was not having a good week two weeks ago, and I noticed I was being very angry and mad I started giving off bad vibes towards everyone ! I decided to take a break from people, I started to go back into yoga, turned on my laptop and began to write, and started to walk around the neighborhood in the morning (okay more like afternoon) to get myself back on track. When you take a step back and to improve yourself you become more confident and more focused on your goals !!

5. It takes time, so work hard and be focused- The anger will not be gone by tomorrow, it takes time and hard work ! The main focus in life is yourself, YOU matter than anyone else ! When you have an amazing support system who surrounds you they will help you get through this and you will find happiness again !! Take the time to be by yourself, surround yourself with positivity, and be grateful ! You’ll get through this don’t worry everything will happen for a reason ! Be grateful, be in the moment !!

Brooke(: