Hi Everyone, How is everyone doing with everything going on? I’m sorry for the past couple of days (More like weeks) I haven’t been as active, during this difficult time I want to focus on writing and find happiness during these events. I wanted to go back, and finish up my journal entries to self-improve myself to reconnect with all of you ! So here is my third journal entry, I decided to write a person from my past. I wanted to do this journal prompt, because I noticed I have been very stuck on this person and its been hard for me to move on to continue my future relationships. If you want, I hope this encourages you as well to end a toxic chapter in life and begin to live your life in pure happiness !
Its been a couple of months, since I sent my final to you text message saying its better off we don’t talk anymore. But, a year of on/off talking between in each other but I wanted to write to you to express how you truly made me feel about myself. I have held back my true feelings about how you have treated me, to move on and forgive you but I couldn’t. I will admit during the time we were in each others lives, I had played a part as well and I don’t think it is fair to just blame you we were both toxic for each other. The months we had talked, my self esteem was very weak, I changed my beliefs and my appearance so you would want to date me and not “hook up” and I was loosing myself I wasn’t the Brooke everyone knew anymore. I don’t want to get into detail about the things you did to me but all I wanted to ask was, why ? Why me? After you, I looked at myself differently I lost my spark, I felt I wasn’t good enough for anyone, and I was looking for love in everyone because I couldn’t love myself. But, I don’t want to look at the negative between us, I just want to say thank you I know you are probably super confused. But, after all the times you pretended I didn’t exist after we made plans to hang out, messaging me after you and an ex break up, wanting to hang out at 12 am, and saying how much you missed me to the point I believed it and pretending that everything you have done to me in the past didn’t break my heart. You had made me stronger, J you made me realize that I deserve so much better. Why would I want to go back to a guy who didn’t care about me? We talk for a couple of weeks and I feel great then out of the blue you pretend I don’t exist. Last Summer, I was going through a lot and decided to distance myself from others to focus on things that I made me happy such as Photography and Writing. During this isolation, I made new friends and did things for myself. I found happiness for myself and I now I officially say I can love myself, but I had one person I was struggling to let go and it was you. The last straw for me was when, I tried to talk to you on Halloween but you didn’t want to speak to me and I knew a couple of weeks prior you had went on a trip with a girl you began dating and I had no idea during the time because we had hung out and I had plans to see you in the city. I knew I had to let go and it was one part of my life that didn’t make me happy, In a crazy way looking back at it we both weren’t happy we wanted two different things. We weren’t happy in each others lives, I wanted to make a positive step in my life and move on from all the negativity starting with cutting ties with you. So J, I just wanna say you’re the reason why I have became stronger and the hurt you gave to me made me want to walk away and focus on myself. So, after months of hating you, wish we never met, and wanted all these bad things happen to you I just wanna say, I forgive you. I want to move on and let go of this anger that I have been holding for the past couple of months.