Now Im Stronger.. Than Yesterday ! <3 How I overcome my struggles in 2019 !

“Cause there is beauty in the breakdown” – Frou Frou “Let Go”

Hi Everyone ! I can’t believe that in two more days ! We are going into a new decade !! Its crazy ! The fact that the year is coming to a end, I wanted to recap my year in 2019 ! I wanted to show photos to show my progress of how I evolved as a person ! ❤ I wanted to use the first photo from my 22nd birthday, during that time it was the beginning of 2019.. in that photo you see a girl smiling next to her favorite birthday cake.. but inside I was going through a very bad depression to the point I had lost myself, I wasn’t Brooke anymore. But, I did not want anyone to know my struggles only few people in my inner circle and family knew I was struggling a lot.. but I was putting on a happy face while I was on social media, pretending my life was great and I was so happy.. it honestly was a cry for help. The next photo is a selfie in my room, (Very basic I know) I believe this was in the middle of the year in March, seeing the selfie now I think okay that is a nice photo of myself ! While, that photo was taken I thought I looked disgusting and began to edit my face to the point where it was pretty obvious it was photo shopped. All I did was take photos in my room, and posting them on Instagram because I was not feeling good about myself and I wanted reassurance that I was beautiful and feeling accepted. I didn’t feel it towards myself so I was seeking approval from others. Everyone knew, they would start pointing out I was taking too many selfies and began to tell me to stop and I had gotten angry pretending I didn’t have a problem and I was fine. In the 3rd photo, maybe in April this photo was taken my friend and I went to pirates cove and decided to walk around, this is when I realized my depression was affecting everyone around me, and I needed help ! I decided to go to therapy to talk to someone and vent about my issues going on with myself. Also, this is when spring was beginning so I felt better because in the winter time I do suffer from seasonal depression.. and it is very hard for me to be motivated . So when Spring was arriving I felt better, and more encouraged to get out of bed and live my life ! I started to get back into yoga ! Which made me feel more confident with working out and it helped a lot of with my endorphins making me feel more positive and happy ! In the summer which was in the 4th photo, I started to get into photography ! It was a great outlet to express myself ! It helped me gain back confidence in myself ! Taking photos to show the beauty in the world ! Photography had made me meet so many new people and gained my confidence back and reconnected with people from my past ! In the 5th photo I started to blog which helped me express how I was feeling ! I have problems with talking about how I feel to others, when I get upset or mad I don’t express how I am feeling which isn’t fair to everyone because mostly they have no idea what is going on or are confused. It was a great outlet to talk about how I really feel !! Sometimes when I had a bad day I would just write and vent about what was going on with myself. In the 6th photo, I went to a sunflower field (Oh really Brooke ? I had no idea !!) This was near the end of Summer, I was feeling better ! I started to help my dad with shoots at his company and felt really good ! But, I was talking to someone from my past that I shouldn’t have, I was dependent on him to make me happy which you should never do ! You should always feel happy with yourself ! Never be dependent on someone to make you feel worthy. I really liked this guy a lot, even though in the past the relationship (we never dated but we had a fling) was rocky and we wanted two different things out of our relationship. I remember messaging him and trying to get his attention, meanwhile he was talking to other girls and it made me feel miserable about myself thinking “Why aren’t I good enough?” It affected my self esteem and how I viewed myself. During that time, I realized I still wasn’t feeling 100% about myself. I thought I had gotten better but talking to this guy and realizing that I was upset that he talked to other girls or didn’t like my photos on Instagram affected me so much. I noticed I was getting depressed again because of a fucking guy and I thought “Why am I getting so upset over him?” I didn’t wanna go back into depression because of this stupid guy who didn’t even really care about me so I texted him one day and said we shouldn’t talk anymore and it would be good for the both of us ! Honestly, sending that text message to him felt so good ! I was done with the constant talking to me and then leaving me alone ! I deserve so much better ! I wanted to have people in my life who give an effort to talk to me and get to know me ! Not me, talking to them on their time and waiting around for them ! In the 6th photo, I decided to go into the city by myself (For the first time) I hanged out with my friend, Jason. Who ive been close with ever since highschool ! We walked around and hanging out for a while ! He was taking photos of me (my personal photographer of the day) I love how he took photos of myself in my prime just enjoying the moment and being happy !!! (: Its great reconnecting with old people from your past as i said before you left off where you guys were before ! Also, seeing Jason how happy he was and how much he had achieved since highschool made me so happy for him and I was so proud and still am being his friend !! In the 7th photo, I finally got a camera (Canon t2i) old school but I still love it ! I went around and began to take so many photos I was so in my element, I even began to take courses to learn more about the camera and wanting to learn better every single day !! The final photo of me was during thanksgiving ! my cousin had taken this photo of me, I overcame depression and anxiety and actually feel happy with myself ! I overcome obstacles and living a better life ! During the hard times, it does get better ! Surround yourself with positive people and be happy with everyone ! Im so grateful with everyone in my life !! (:

What we want to others to see vs.. How we see ourselves

From the outside looking in, it seems fine but they don’t know shit about the everyday grind

Mac Miller “Life Aint Easy”

Hi Everyone ! Back at it ! Its crazy that we our almost about to enter 2020… I wanted to reflect on how ive grown and changed during this year ! I had taken these photos over the summer with sunflowers.. Sunflowers symbolize worship and faithfulness representing the sun, which associates with spiritual knowledge and the desire to seek light and truth !

When going through the photos I had taken over the course of the summer.. I wanted to discuss a topic about how we want people to view us, and what we want to hide from others. So the background of the story of these photos, I colored the sunflowers because as I said before it displays happiness and we want to show people that we are feeling happy kind of like on social media how we want everyone to see the good and we don’t want them to know we are struggling and life is going pretty great ! We hide the negativity in our life from others because we don’t want anyone to know they’re struggling with ourselves. Reflecting on me this past year, I represent the sunflower I was going through a depression around the time I finished up at college. I didn’t want other people to know outside of inner circle, so I decided to post a lot on Instagram showing that I was having fun and being happy ! But, I on the inside I was going through some personal things and I was struggling with finding my own happiness.. I was trying to find happiness through people or activities but I was finding “Temporary Happiness”. Throughout the years meeting people or doing things I thought I was “Happy” but how could I be happy when I wasn’t happy/loving myself. For the first time in my 22 years, I finally found how to love myself with writing and photography it had helped me express my true self and opened a window of new opportunities and meeting new people ! I didn’t feel I needed to hide behind a false appearance of myself anymore. I didn’t need to pretend I was happy for the first time in my life, I was actually happy and found my own happiness! What I wanted to get out of these photos I have taken is, we do sometimes hide behind our happiness or display we are happy but we don’t want anyone to know or fears or worries in the outside world. Thanks for reading part 2 of my photography stories !! Let me know what you guys think so far !

Brooke(:

Mental Health Awareness Week.. Tell you about my story.

Hi Everyone ! I know its been forever since we last talked or spoken.. This week is focused on Mental Health Awareness, and I wanted to share about my struggle the past couple of months with dealing with depression and anxiety. So its been hard for me ever since I finished up at college and gotten my associates degree on what I wanted to do with my life after, Whats my next phase? What should I do next? It hard to know that my fellow peers my age are getting their bachelors degree and moving on to bigger and better things, and it was hard for me to see stuff on social media and I started to isolate myself from everyone. Every time someone would ask me “Hey Brooke so what are you doing now?” I would take it more of an insult, and become very defensive. It was to the point I would avoid certain family events or gatherings because my anxiety was so bad that I didn’t wanna be involved and wanted to hide from everyone. I felt so lost and I decided to give sometime to myself not isolating myself but focusing on my goals and work on myself to become better and stronger mentally. So I looked for an outlet to express myself I turned to writing and photography ! It was a fun way to express myself and wanted to show a different side I love to write to express my feelings and it helps me feel better writing my views on certain situation or if I go somewhere or experience something and I love talking about it to other people ! The Creative Outlook is amazing I met some amazing people and reconnect with old friends ! Being Creative has helped me calm down my anxiety and got myself in a better positive mindset. For this week, I want everyone to focus on yourself and your mental health and remember if youre having a bad day just remember to talk to someone and people want to see you happy and succeed !!

Trying to have the “Perfect Beach Body”

Hey Guys ! So today I was feeling sick, and decided to have a productive day and write ! So I wanted to talk about Body Image, Ive been struggling to be happy with my body on and off for a couple of years now.. and its not easy. Somedays I think “Oh my god I feel good and I look good ! It’s gonna be a great day !” and then other days (mostly before I get my period or if im having an off day) I’m like “Yeah I look like crap and feel fat im gonna wear all baggy clothes and not care” This Summer I have been confident in my body and feeling good about myself when I go out and everything ! But, mostly its been hard when I wear a bathing suit or bikini mostly. I went to buy a bikini at Aerie and I felt disgusting and fat, and legit started to cry and thought “Why am I so ugly” and take it off automatically and get in a bad mood. I think its also hard with social media, with photos and always judging yourself thinking you arent good enough or beautiful enough ! I felt more comfortable in a one piece to hide my stomach, I think when you go out or wear a bathingsuit if you feel comfortable and cute at the same time it doesnt matter ! Like now, when I wear a one piece I thought to myself damn I look good ! But, sometimes it can be hard when I look at myself in a photo mostly a photo of me in a bathing suit , I try to suck in my belly, Try to move in a different angle, and use the filters to make myself skinner. i decided to show a picture of me, with no filter or anything ! just my body and accept it for what it is ! Embrace the curves !! Be happy with what I got !! Accept what I have and work with it , this photo makes me realize I am beautiful and I dont need a filter to hide my cellulite on my thighs or make myself Skinner. Or make my ass look bigger , I like the way I look even though sometimes it is hard to pick on myself on the little things, but I am reminded by everyone how beautiful I am inside and out !! That is all that matters !!

When is it time to let go of the Anger?

Did you ever become so angry at someone, to the point where it takes over your life ? Does all that pint up anger get the best of you, the negativity gets the best of you and affects you mentally and physically? Yeah, I would just want to let you know its okay ! If you catch yourself being so mad and angry its good ! You notice that you want to change ! Thats the first step, when you notice it and take a step back and realize “I need to change all this negativity for myself and for my family and friends because your anger and frustration doesn’t affect yourself but everyone around you ! Here our some tips to know when you should let go/move on from being so angry inside !

  1. Remove yourself from toxic people/ situations – For myself, I noticed when im in a toxic situation or talking to someone I know I shouldn’t be talking to because I don’t feel happy/if its making me upset. I should remove myself from the issue. Yes, it takes a while to get over it but it slowly gets better everyday ! Focusing on yourself and what you need to make yourself happier, and if someone if not making you/ situation such as work or something like that you have the choice to remove that issue out of your life ! I think certain things that happen to use whenever it is good or bad, it happens because it makes us stronger and helps us realize what we have in life is pretty great !

2. Put your energy in a hobby- Take your energy into something good for example for myself, I love to write and when something negative happens to me I go to my writing ! It helps me express my feelings and get distracted by the little things that aren’t that big of a deal. I turn to writing because, it is something that I love to do since I was in high school. It made me realized how much happiness it brings in my life and it changed my whole outlook on life ! Writing about my experiences, trying to give advice for some people, and expressing m creativity ! You forget about all the anger when you concentrate on something that you love ! The anger begins to decrease and calms you down !

3. Make plans with friends and go out exploring – Its a good thing to get out of the house or plan to go out somewhere with yourself or your friends ! It makes you realize how much your friends really care about you and want the best for you ! I love my friends, whenever they know I am not feeling like myself they plan something to do and help me get my mind off of it and enjoy the moment and try to be happy !! Its a good way to get out of your mind and be appreciative with your family and friends they want the best for you !!

4. Take time for yourself- I was not having a good week two weeks ago, and I noticed I was being very angry and mad I started giving off bad vibes towards everyone ! I decided to take a break from people, I started to go back into yoga, turned on my laptop and began to write, and started to walk around the neighborhood in the morning (okay more like afternoon) to get myself back on track. When you take a step back and to improve yourself you become more confident and more focused on your goals !!

5. It takes time, so work hard and be focused- The anger will not be gone by tomorrow, it takes time and hard work ! The main focus in life is yourself, YOU matter than anyone else ! When you have an amazing support system who surrounds you they will help you get through this and you will find happiness again !! Take the time to be by yourself, surround yourself with positivity, and be grateful ! You’ll get through this don’t worry everything will happen for a reason ! Be grateful, be in the moment !!

Brooke(:

Those Coffee Shop Days <3

Hey !! Can we talk about this cute little drink in the photo right now… And my best friend, Ashley ❤ So today, I decided to go out with my friend Ashley in the morning to Crazy Beans this cute little coffee shop near my house that I go almost everyday too and the employees know my order by heart (Jk no they dont but if they did I would be super happy and excited) We decided to meet up and get some coffee ! (as you can tell by the cute drink above) Super Good if you are ever in the long island area please go to Crazy Beans ! They have 3 locations on the Island. ANYWHO ! So Ashley and I went at 9:30 am because why not !! No one is gonna be there that early (Also it gets super jammed pack so yeah) so we got a seat near the back ! Got some amazing canolli stuffed french toast so basically sandwiches and inside is canolli so good I love it, I would eat it everyday but it wouldn’t be possible. Cause calories and a lot of sugar I wouldn’t be able to function in my everyday life ! I love going to coffee shops with friends, because you can get a moment out of your day to enjoy some coffee and catch up with people and talk about life and all the good things or if you wanna vent (I vent like 24/7 shout out to my friends who hear my continuing rants for the past how many years of friendship yall are the real ones !)

Can we talk about this amazing food we had the canolli french toast I was taking about and the cinnamon french toast Ashley got !! I love coffee shops because of the whole atmosphere and the positive people who are in it, and everyone is so nice ! Also, its a good escape and connect with people on a personal level and catching up !! The reason why I love going to coffee shops (mostly because I have a very bad caffeine addiction) totally love all the positive vibes ! and It makes you feel all happy inside !! IT was a fun trip to the coffee shop today with my best friend !!

Brooke(:

As T.I. and Rhianna once said.. “So Live Ya Life!!”

Hey Everyone !! Hope you all had a great weekend !! Even though Monday is lurking around the corner, lets enjoy this Lazy Sunday and reflect on our weekends ! So yesterday, I had no plans like ZERO and Ive been hinting a New York City trip but I was like “eh maybe not cause no one wants to go with me” Also, I never been alone in the city by myself like EVER so I was always codependent on someone when I traveled. Basically, I said “Im gonna go to the city by myself and walk around and enjoy my time !” So catched a train and was on my way ! After 2 hours and a 1 min (yes I checked the ride time because I am a total noob) I was finally there ! Took a uber to Columbus Circle to meet up with my best friend from highschool Jason !! I havent seen him in, 5 years since we both graduated highschool but we always been super close and I was so exicted to see him ! So we met at the shops near Columbus and legit we had this adorable moment when I was so exicted to see him ! Like in the movies !! Where ya havent see a person in so long and you guys get super exicted ! So basically that is what happened ! We walked around Central Park, because I was dying to see Strawberry Fields I tried to go a couple of weeks ago by myself when I stayed in the City for a music festival, but I winded up getting lost and had to call my brother who lives near the park for directions to get out of the park LOL it was very bad but I survived. Sorry about that odd flashback but, we walked around and finally found strawberry fields ! (I obviously took a photo with it) and I saw the cute boats on the water and I begged Jason to come with me and do it, and hes like nah and I was like yeah I understand. (If any cute boys reading this who would like to take me on a cute date like that pls don’t be a stranger and message me) haha so after that idea failed, Jason took some cute photos of me ! I loved how he grasped me being my happy self and enjoying the moment !! (Also they’re very good dating profile photos as well) LOL okay I have to stop ! We walked around near the met !! and went to this small tiny diner ! Also they didnt give us our iced coffee and diet coke (very mad about that still) But around 5 I left ! It was a great day !! It’s always good to reconnect with old friends from your past ! Yes, you get older , life becomes more crazy ! But the connection is always there ! When I saw Jason legit nothing has changed between us we are still the goofy kids who would sit on the bench on our off period senior year and talking about our inside jokes ! All together what I want to get out of this blog post is, be grateful for the moment and the people who still are in your life ! Even though if you havent seen them in a while or talked to them in years, talking to them you realize you stil have a connection and a close bond it makes you realize why they were in your life in the first place ! Thanks all I wanted to say and share love you guys !

Brooke(: