“Cause there is beauty in the breakdown” – Frou Frou “Let Go”
Hi Everyone ! I can’t believe that in two more days ! We are going into a new decade !! Its crazy ! The fact that the year is coming to a end, I wanted to recap my year in 2019 ! I wanted to show photos to show my progress of how I evolved as a person ! ❤ I wanted to use the first photo from my 22nd birthday, during that time it was the beginning of 2019.. in that photo you see a girl smiling next to her favorite birthday cake.. but inside I was going through a very bad depression to the point I had lost myself, I wasn’t Brooke anymore. But, I did not want anyone to know my struggles only few people in my inner circle and family knew I was struggling a lot.. but I was putting on a happy face while I was on social media, pretending my life was great and I was so happy.. it honestly was a cry for help. The next photo is a selfie in my room, (Very basic I know) I believe this was in the middle of the year in March, seeing the selfie now I think okay that is a nice photo of myself ! While, that photo was taken I thought I looked disgusting and began to edit my face to the point where it was pretty obvious it was photo shopped. All I did was take photos in my room, and posting them on Instagram because I was not feeling good about myself and I wanted reassurance that I was beautiful and feeling accepted. I didn’t feel it towards myself so I was seeking approval from others. Everyone knew, they would start pointing out I was taking too many selfies and began to tell me to stop and I had gotten angry pretending I didn’t have a problem and I was fine. In the 3rd photo, maybe in April this photo was taken my friend and I went to pirates cove and decided to walk around, this is when I realized my depression was affecting everyone around me, and I needed help ! I decided to go to therapy to talk to someone and vent about my issues going on with myself. Also, this is when spring was beginning so I felt better because in the winter time I do suffer from seasonal depression.. and it is very hard for me to be motivated . So when Spring was arriving I felt better, and more encouraged to get out of bed and live my life ! I started to get back into yoga ! Which made me feel more confident with working out and it helped a lot of with my endorphins making me feel more positive and happy ! In the summer which was in the 4th photo, I started to get into photography ! It was a great outlet to express myself ! It helped me gain back confidence in myself ! Taking photos to show the beauty in the world ! Photography had made me meet so many new people and gained my confidence back and reconnected with people from my past ! In the 5th photo I started to blog which helped me express how I was feeling ! I have problems with talking about how I feel to others, when I get upset or mad I don’t express how I am feeling which isn’t fair to everyone because mostly they have no idea what is going on or are confused. It was a great outlet to talk about how I really feel !! Sometimes when I had a bad day I would just write and vent about what was going on with myself. In the 6th photo, I went to a sunflower field (Oh really Brooke ? I had no idea !!) This was near the end of Summer, I was feeling better ! I started to help my dad with shoots at his company and felt really good ! But, I was talking to someone from my past that I shouldn’t have, I was dependent on him to make me happy which you should never do ! You should always feel happy with yourself ! Never be dependent on someone to make you feel worthy. I really liked this guy a lot, even though in the past the relationship (we never dated but we had a fling) was rocky and we wanted two different things out of our relationship. I remember messaging him and trying to get his attention, meanwhile he was talking to other girls and it made me feel miserable about myself thinking “Why aren’t I good enough?” It affected my self esteem and how I viewed myself. During that time, I realized I still wasn’t feeling 100% about myself. I thought I had gotten better but talking to this guy and realizing that I was upset that he talked to other girls or didn’t like my photos on Instagram affected me so much. I noticed I was getting depressed again because of a fucking guy and I thought “Why am I getting so upset over him?” I didn’t wanna go back into depression because of this stupid guy who didn’t even really care about me so I texted him one day and said we shouldn’t talk anymore and it would be good for the both of us ! Honestly, sending that text message to him felt so good ! I was done with the constant talking to me and then leaving me alone ! I deserve so much better ! I wanted to have people in my life who give an effort to talk to me and get to know me ! Not me, talking to them on their time and waiting around for them ! In the 6th photo, I decided to go into the city by myself (For the first time) I hanged out with my friend, Jason. Who ive been close with ever since highschool ! We walked around and hanging out for a while ! He was taking photos of me (my personal photographer of the day) I love how he took photos of myself in my prime just enjoying the moment and being happy !!! (: Its great reconnecting with old people from your past as i said before you left off where you guys were before ! Also, seeing Jason how happy he was and how much he had achieved since highschool made me so happy for him and I was so proud and still am being his friend !! In the 7th photo, I finally got a camera (Canon t2i) old school but I still love it ! I went around and began to take so many photos I was so in my element, I even began to take courses to learn more about the camera and wanting to learn better every single day !! The final photo of me was during thanksgiving ! my cousin had taken this photo of me, I overcame depression and anxiety and actually feel happy with myself ! I overcome obstacles and living a better life ! During the hard times, it does get better ! Surround yourself with positive people and be happy with everyone ! Im so grateful with everyone in my life !! (:
Hi Everyone ! Its been a couple of days since I last wrote, sorry for going M.I.A. for a while I have been on and off with writing a new blog post because I haven’t felt really inspired the past couple of days or should I say weeks.. So I kind of went missing and taking some time to myself. But, the other day while I was getting ready to go out I always put a movie on to hear some background noise when I get ready and I decided to watch Lost in Translation with Scarlett Johansson and Bill Murray, I never really knew the background of the movie I just remembered when I was little my mom had the Dvd in the house and I saw the iconic photo of Bill Murray in a bathrope in a hotel room. But, I was only 6 when I saw it and I was super confused. But, the movie was about two people Bob who is a famous actor and Charlotte who is staying with her photographer husband feeling very lost in their lives and are currently staying in a hotel in Japan. They feel lost not having any connection with the people because of the language barrier. Watching the movie I connected with the main character Charlotte, she is around my age and she was dealing with depression feeling like she cant tell anyone about whats going on with her making herself isolated from everyone. She is not happy in her marriage and she feels lost with where she is going in life and wants to find the true meaning of happiness. I related to her a lot as someone who just finished up college in the winter and still feels lost on what I wanna do and started to overthink “its not gonna get better” “everything sucks right” after I finished up with college I started to get sad and not feel like myself, I felt lost and confused with what was going on around me and I felt so isolated from the world. I think this movie helps a lot with dealing with depression or how it feels going through it, It was crazy how much I related to the main character . The one line that stood out to me the most is when she is talking to the another main character Bob in the hotel room and asks, “Does it get better?” at first he says “no” and then “yes” I related to this a lot because I always asked myself in my head “Will I get better” “Will it become easier” but in reality, life is hard and difficult but you can get through it no matter what ! Its normal to feel sad but it will get better you just need good people who surround you and encourage you to be the best person you can be !
Hey Guys ! Whats up ? How is life ? Happy Friday !! Super stoked for the weekend !! So Today was super fun, I went out and explored with my friend Caitlin ! We were planning to go to a sunflower field because Ive been dying to go since Summer started but sadly, no sunflowers because they have not bloomed yet.. such a bummer. So we decided to go Downport, and take some photos and video ! I was super stocked because I love to create (As you can tell by this photo) Haha ! Also, I love to surround myself with people who love to be creative with photography and videography ! In a way it totally encourages me to be creative as well, because I am always worried that I am not good enough or in the back of my head I’m like “Ugh what if someone sees it and shows their friends and makes fun of me !” But, I noticed when I do that I give up on attempting to create or just don’t do it! If its something you love do it ! If it gives you joy ? Do it ! Why should peoples opinions affect you ? If it makes you happy and you love doing it ! Since I was a little girl, Ive been surrounded by creativity my dad is an amazing artist and he is also a videographer ! He has such an amazing eye and produced such amazing content (even though I sometimes make fun of him but its out of love) and I grew up knowing I wanted to do something like that ! Also, I love being around creative people, it really helps out when we can collab and discuss about photography/ writing !! Today, I decided to make tiny 60 second video of my trip with Caitlin and we had a photoshoot (Legit theyre some good ass tinder pictures if you ask me 😉 ) Haha!! It was such a positive day ! I had so much fun exploring and creating !! I love going out with friends and going to places its a great way to express my art in photography and now videography (maybe my dad would be so happy I am following his footsteps) We should totally express creativity ! Its such a beautiful thing ! Seeing the world in eyes of the photographer ! Seeing the beauty in the world !! I hope we all express our skills and hobbys !! ❤ Because, its pretty fucking cool and it makes you become all positive and happy !! (:
Did you ever become so angry at someone, to the point where it takes over your life ? Does all that pint up anger get the best of you, the negativity gets the best of you and affects you mentally and physically? Yeah, I would just want to let you know its okay ! If you catch yourself being so mad and angry its good ! You notice that you want to change ! Thats the first step, when you notice it and take a step back and realize “I need to change all this negativity for myself and for my family and friends because your anger and frustration doesn’t affect yourself but everyone around you ! Here our some tips to know when you should let go/move on from being so angry inside !
Remove yourself from toxic people/ situations – For myself, I noticed when im in a toxic situation or talking to someone I know I shouldn’t be talking to because I don’t feel happy/if its making me upset. I should remove myself from the issue. Yes, it takes a while to get over it but it slowly gets better everyday ! Focusing on yourself and what you need to make yourself happier, and if someone if not making you/ situation such as work or something like that you have the choice to remove that issue out of your life ! I think certain things that happen to use whenever it is good or bad, it happens because it makes us stronger and helps us realize what we have in life is pretty great !
2. Put your energy in a hobby- Take your energy into something good for example for myself, I love to write and when something negative happens to me I go to my writing ! It helps me express my feelings and get distracted by the little things that aren’t that big of a deal. I turn to writing because, it is something that I love to do since I was in high school. It made me realized how much happiness it brings in my life and it changed my whole outlook on life ! Writing about my experiences, trying to give advice for some people, and expressing m creativity ! You forget about all the anger when you concentrate on something that you love ! The anger begins to decrease and calms you down !
3. Make plans with friends and go out exploring – Its a good thing to get out of the house or plan to go out somewhere with yourself or your friends ! It makes you realize how much your friends really care about you and want the best for you ! I love my friends, whenever they know I am not feeling like myself they plan something to do and help me get my mind off of it and enjoy the moment and try to be happy !! Its a good way to get out of your mind and be appreciative with your family and friends they want the best for you !!
4. Take time for yourself- I was not having a good week two weeks ago, and I noticed I was being very angry and mad I started giving off bad vibes towards everyone ! I decided to take a break from people, I started to go back into yoga, turned on my laptop and began to write, and started to walk around the neighborhood in the morning (okay more like afternoon) to get myself back on track. When you take a step back and to improve yourself you become more confident and more focused on your goals !!
5. It takes time, so work hard and be focused- The anger will not be gone by tomorrow, it takes time and hard work ! The main focus in life is yourself, YOU matter than anyone else ! When you have an amazing support system who surrounds you they will help you get through this and you will find happiness again !! Take the time to be by yourself, surround yourself with positivity, and be grateful ! You’ll get through this don’t worry everything will happen for a reason ! Be grateful, be in the moment !!